- Leg bouncers – Tend to bounce at a rhythm of around ten times per second, achieved by pressing and releasing the forward part of the metatarsals on the floor while the calcaneus remains consistently raised.
- Foot bouncers – Legs are crossed, and the tallus of the raised foot is held still, while the phalanges move side to side at about ten cycles per second.
- Thigh massagers – Feet are ususally flat on the floor, and knees move closer together and further apart at a rate of about three times per second. Each knee moves horizontally about three to five inches each half cycle with the average distance between the knees somewhere between one and a little over two feet, depending on the particular man who can't sit still's style of thigh massage.
- Foot rotators – Langorous, veering into laconicity, phalanges make a slow circle at about once per second.
- Gum chewers – Styles may vary.
Posted in Jon Cogburn
7 responses to “Types of men that can’t sit still”
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I contain multitudes
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“men that” s/b “men who”
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All women sit perfectly still at all times. It’s creepy.
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Among my circle of friends and colleagues I am very well-known for being able to make any chair into a rocking chair.
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Leaving guys (e.g. me) whose whole bodies (incl. legs) frequently erupt into uncontrollable spasms of obscene pleasure off the list is sadly typical of this blog’s well-documented and consistent ableism. I demand an apology.
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Nothing for us knuckle (and other joint) crackers? I’m hurt.
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Neck stretchers – the artist poses publicly with some sub-yoga movements half-way into a talk; a brain too heavy, a presentation too vexing on the sternocleidomastoid muscles.
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New APPS 
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